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Information from the world of divorce

It Will Get Better

Splitting up is one of the most stressful things you will ever go through. Losing a loved one to death is the only event more stressful. So, how do you take care of yourself during this time when you are expected to make big decisions and you may not even feel like getting out of bed?

First of all, remember that it will get better. Chances are, you knew something was not right with your relationship. Now you get to fix that part of your live and move on to better things.

One of the most important things to note is that marriage is mostly a financial contract. So, the decisions you will be making will be mostly financial. It is very hard to imagine what life will look like after the divorce is final. This is where a financial professional can make a big difference. In most marriages there is one person who handles most of the finances and the other person can often feel very vulnerable when the marriage ends. That person will need to make banking decisions, set up credit cards, decide how much to spend on food, clothing, rent, transportation not only for themselves but for their children, too. This can be very overwhelming. A good financial planner can help you with budgeting and give you a realistic view of how must your imagined lifestyle will cost. They can also help with filling out the financial affidavit. This is a form the court will need that outlines the assets, debts and future budget of both parties in the divorce.

Your emotional needs are just as important during this time. It is tempting to lean on non-mental health professionals for emotional support, but this is not the best course of action. The attorneys and financial people in your life are not trained to help you. Of course, they can listen and sympathize, but they are far more expensive than a trained therapist. Besides therapy, there is meditation, exercise, massage, or just leaning on a good friend. Whatever path you choose, this is a good time to slow down and take stock of what makes you you. What do you like doing and why? What have you always wanted to try? Get out there and find some like-minded people. Try new things and make new friends. This can be a time of important personal growth.

Although it is hard, keeping the emotion out of the financial and legal decisions you are making right now will actually help you in the long run. Keeping focused on the future and how you will get there is healthy and productive. Find a way to take control and make that happen!

Laura Bare